He's the ONE.

Do you remember when you and your spouse started dating? The fuzzy feelings were filling your heart and soul with things you never knew you could feel before. The flowers were aplenty. The dates were amazingly over the top. The kissing was.....WOW! When he was grab your hand, you got these butterfly feeling in the pit of your stomach that just told you that "He's the ONE!" Yeah, those were the days, right?! 

I have been married to my husband for almost 7 years and those feelings are still there........ some where between 24 total months of being pregnant, the breast feeding extravaganza, the HUNDREDS of diapers I have changed, the spit up that became apart of my normal wardrobe and the hormonal roller coasters that made me feel crazy. Yeah, it is there but it is just different now. Not as fresh as it used to be. Bryan and I have gone through many transitions over the last 7 years and we will go through many more. Those "growing pains" aren't always easy to roll with, but we have learned to readjust and redirect. One of the recent conversations we have been having is about how differently we are now than when we first got married. The things that used to make us smile, just don't it any more.  We have new found love languages that, until recently, we hadn't taken the time to rediscover. After talking about this issue between us and the needs that we both have that may or may not be getting met, we decided to really take a few steps back and really get to know each other again. Life can be a funny thing in how you can live in the same house and lose a sense of each other and the reason why you got married in the first place. 

A few days ago my husband brought home a pretty flower. I am a simple kind of gal, and love the simplicity of a single flower. It was sweet, but it didn't really "do it" for me. It would have 5 years ago. But, now with being a stay at home mom with 2 girls, my needs have changed. Last night he brought home sugar-free York Peppermint Patties. I LOVED it! One of my favorite things to do is to take a few moments in the afternoon with a cup of hot tea and just sit and do nothing. The girls are napping and it is just a great moment for me to regroup before round 2 starts! I don't have a car to just be able to go and get something whenever I want, so having something that is a little sweet treat in my day just makes me smile. I know, it is silly, but it does! 

We all have a desire to be seen and be recognized. This job that I have is so unseen and unrecognized that I begin to really feel so alone. Don't get me wrong, I do love being a stay at home mom. It is just my current situation that makes it just a bit harder than the "normal" stay at home mom. I take pleasure in those little things like my husband bringing me home a special treat. Or him doing the dishes after dinner. Getting up early with the kids and letting me stay in bed. Those things speak to my heart and tell me that I am truly seen and appreciated. 

Tonight my husband and I are going on a date. I got to pick what we did. My husband never would have imagined that I would pick going to dinner, getting some Starbucks, then having him help me grocery shop would be my idea of a great date! But, it is. It means a lot to me. It is nice to have someone with me to grocery shop with. Talk to and laugh with. So, here's to rediscovering the person in your life that makes you laugh harder than anyone! You know the one! The one who makes your heart hurt because you love him/her SO much. Yeah, He's the ONE! STILL. 

By the way, Bryan, when you grab my hand it still gives me butterflies. 

Snow Day Agenda

Hot Cocoa, first and foremost!

 

Watching a girlie movie together. Cinderella, of course!

 

Playing in the snow! 

 

First snow experience.

 

She liked it! Until it got all cold and wet. She lasted about 5 mintues!

Tuesday Treats

I made some blueberry mini loaf bread and about 9 muffins with this recipe. It turned out really good. Again, I'll give you my recipe for it. I always change up a recipe to make it healthier or just have more flavor. 

Blueberry Bread/Muffins

2 eggs

1/2 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. white sugar

1 c. skim milk

1 1/2 c. all purpose flour

1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour

1 tsp. salt

4 tsp. baking powder

1 c. fresh blueberries

1/2 c. chopped walnuts

1. Mix together beaten eggs with the sugars. Add milk and oil. 

2. Sift together flour, salt, and baking powder. Combine mixtures, stirring only until blended. Carefully fold in fresh or frozen blueberries (I floured my blueberries so they wouldn't all sink to the bottom) and walnuts.

3. Pour (or spoon since the batter is very thick) into greased 5 x 12 loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 50-60 minutes. Let cool on wire rack out of pan. I made 2 mini loafs and 9 muffins. My girls like the muffins. I also put one loaf in the freezer to keep for later. 

Happy Baking!

God's voice or Grace's plea

For Christmas we got Grace a great devotional book called "My First Message" by Eugene Peterson. It has been the greatest gift she ever received. It has been become the staple item for each night before bedtime. Every night right before she goes to bed either me or her Daddy will sit with her on the couch and read one of the very vivid and colorfully illustrated stories out of her Bible. At any given moment during the story time you can look at her and see her taking in every word like a sponge. The wheels in her head are turning and turning fast! 

One of her favorite stories is about Samuel. She will ask for me to read it to her over and over. Not sure what she likes about the story of Samuel but after our discussion one day, I think I know. This is how the discussion began....

"Mommy, when Samuel woke up it was God calling him not Eli, huh?" 

"Yes, Grace it was God. But, Samuel didn't know that, did he?"

"No, Eli told him to go back to bed." Grace says and then begins to talk really fast and say, "But, Mom, when God talks to me he will tell me to get up and to listen to him and I will tell God okay. Then I'll come in and ask you if it was you and you'll tell me to go back to bed but God will tell me to get up and I'll go ask you about it and you'll just tell me to go back to bed but God talks to me and tells me to get up so I'll get up and listen to God because he is God and we should listen to God so you have to let me up out of bed because God told me so." 

Yes, this is correct ladies and gentlemen! My 3 1/2 year old daughter is using the story of Samuel to find a BRILLIANT excuse to get out of bed. She knows that I can't argue with God!! I wonder what other excuses she'll find! Let's hope she doesn't decided it's okay to start bringing in a bunch of animals into the house because GOD told Noah! 

Foto Friday

 

My husband and I have been married almost 7 years. Technically we have been together almost 9, though. He drives me crazy some times, but I love him. He is one of those guys with an extremely creative mind that I totally don't get. He knows how to play just about every instrument and could probably be in a one man band. He's pretty crazy most of the time which I love about him. 

I became saddened this week by the news of divorce from some friends of ours. It was really hard to hear but I am sure it is even harder to go through. It got me thinking what really keeps a marriage together. To be completely honest with you, Bryan and I have seen a counselor on occasion and it helped us just see a 3rd persons perspective and get through the "phase" we were in at the time. I think that the moment you stop trying to learn who your spouse is, you are headed for disaster. Yes, we have been together 9 years, but through those 9 years I know I have changed and I know he has to. We have gone through 5 pregnancies with only 2 successful and healthy babies. One of those babies died in my womb at 19 weeks. He was our first pregnancy. That changed me. It changed how I thought and how I reacted to life in general. We have also been through the lay off of jobs twice now. Once when I was 6 months pregnant with Grace, our oldest. We have lived with my in laws. Which almost sent us into divorce court. We have been down some very long and hard roads that would just take too much of my energy and time to explain in one blog. It is all of those mountain tops and valleys that have made us who we are today. We went through them together but also individually. There is one core value in all of those things that is the only thing that keeps us intact when the weighs of this life get too heavy, Christ. He is the one value that holds us together no matter what life throws our way. We lean on each other with Christ being the buffer for us. You know that song, "Love will keep us together....", and that is true. Love for each other and love for the greatest Savior of the World. The lover of my soul and the giver of strength. 

I love my husband and know that no matter what, he will be the one to pull me up off the toilet when I am 89 and can't get up! I know without a doubt that he will be the one that I hand my teeth to put in the dish, because for the 100th time I forgot to take them out. I just KNOW that he'll be the one to hold my hand as we walk in the mall with all the other "mall walkers"!!  

Have a great weekend and cherish the one you're with. 

Boredom

This is what happens when my husband and I are bored and trying to entertain the kids. 

Splish-Splash

 
 

Splish, splash I was giving some bath...

All about a Monday night.

Rub a dub with a few toys in the tub,

Splishin' and a splashin just right!

I heard a giggle here and a giggle there,

ohhhhhhh, I couldn't wait it anymore. 

I picked up my camera and took some kodak moments,

To remember for the rest of my life!

Grateful Heart

So after my last post complaining about my life, I feel like I need to follow that up with a post about how grateful I am to be me. Here is a list of my top ten! 

1. Being called Mommy by two girls that truly do make life so much fun AND never boring!

2. Hearing my husband sing to me whenever I want to.

3. I have a carpet cleaner so I get to keep my carpets clean! It makes me feel good.

4. Candles and am thankful I can smell them all through my house. 

5. Bills get paid! 

6. The security I have in knowing that I serve the Creator of the Universe and he calls me his!

7. I love the way it makes me feel when I get to share some neat fact with Grace and she soaks in the information like a sponge. 

8. I love watching Hope walk all over the house knowing what a miracle she is.

9. Parents who taught me that life isn't worth living unless you take chances and step out in faith and believe God for the rest.

10. The ability to love and be loved. 

Bubble Mom

Do you remember that movie entitled "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble".  It was the movie that was the stepping stone for John Travolta in his very successful movie carrier. But, besides all of that I just remember the boy in the bubble and how he felt so trapped. Do you, as a mom, ever feel that way? It really has nothing to do with your children or your spouse. Just life in general. 

Right now I feel like the mom in the plastic bubble. I know that I really need to get involved in MOPS or some other program for moms. But, when your husband works 45 minutes away and you have no car, it just isn't as easy as it sounds. For the last 2 years I have lived in a plastic bubble otherwise known as an 1100 sq. ft 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment. It is a nice apartment as far as apartment standards are concerned. We have tried to get a house closer to where my husband currently works but for some reason or another it just hasn't worked out. So, we have continued to just pray for God's direction in every area. And when no answer came...we just stand. More specifically, I continue to live in my plastic bubble! Hoping and praying that one day soon it will all be over and I'll have the freedom to drive to the mall with my kids. Or get up on a Tuesday morning and make my way to MOPS. That I, too, would be able to go the zoo without having to depend on other people to take me there. It is hard when your life consist of being "friends" with only those on Facebook. But, when it comes down to it there is only family in my phonebook on my phone. My mom, dad, and husband are the only ones on speed dial. And I am grateful for them. But, they have their own lives too. My husband has other people that he gets together with. My parents have their own life, jobs, and friends. When they are all busy with their "other" life where am I? Stuck in my bubble. Am I sounding too whinny about it all? Maybe. It is hard to cope at times. Hard to deal with the hand that I have been dealt. Sometimes I just need a good cry and for another person to understand. Sometimes I just get too overwhelmed and scream at the world "It's NOT fair!" Then I will pull myself together in my plastic bubble and smile at my two girls that truly are my best little buds and I'll keep walking. Keep going. Keep my head up because if I haven't heard it a million times, "All things are temporary!", "Nothing stays the same!", "This too shall pass!"

So, I'm sorry that my post today isn't all warm and fuzzy. Some times I just need to complain! K! 

Happy Baking

As stated in my blog, "From My Kitchen to Yours" I love to cook and bake. I have had so many comments and e-mails about the bread that I made that I thought I'd share it with you. I'm not an expert cook but I can follow instructions easily. Usually I can look at a recipe and then make some changes if I want to. Since trying to lose those last 15 pounds of, what I like to call, marriage weight I have tried to revise recipes to fit my healthy lifestyle. Here is the orginial recipe that I found on all recipes website. 

Buttermilk Oatmeal Bread

1 c. rolled oats

1 c. buttermilk

1/2 c. vegetable oil

1 egg

1/2 c. packed brown sugar

1 c. flour

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1. Mix oats with buttermilk. Let stand for 1/2 hour.

2. Stir oil, egg, and brown sugar into oat mixture. Stir together flour, baking powder, soda, and salt. Mix into oat mixture. Pour batter into a greased and floured 8 1/2 x 4 1/2 inch loaf pan.

3. Bake at 350 degrees F for 55 to 60 minutes or until done. 

Here is my revision of the recipe. Let me know if you bake it and how you like it and if you do something different. 

Whole Wheat Buttermilk Oatmeal Bread

1 c. rolled oats

1. c buttermilk

1/2 c. (slightly less) olive oil (I used this because I didn't have other oils. I usually use canola.)

1/4 c.  all natural apple sauce

3/4 c. packed brown sugar

1 c. whole wheat flour

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 c. dried cranberries (raisins, nuts, just about anything would be great to add)

NEXT time I will add some flax seed too. I forgot this time. 

Prepare as above. I used two mini loafs instead of one big one. Turned out great. A little crumbly because of it being oatmeal bread. But, very moist. Especially with the apple sauce! 

Happy Baking!

Foto Friday

I visit a lot of different blogs and one of the things I keep noticing is how people tend to have a "theme day". So I thought if other people can have theme days why can't I. So welcome to my Foto Friday! I will share a photo that I took at some point in that week that kinda sums up my week. 

For my first Foto Friday I am sharing a pic that I took on my iPhone of the girls in their dress up garb. Grace, my oldest, LOVES, loves, loves to dress up. In fact as I am writing this she is already in her fairy dress, twirling with wand in her hand singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". I frequently have lunch with Snow White, Tinker Bell, and Madam Margaret. (whoever she is) I often get this, "Grace pick up your toys." "MOOOOm, I am not Grace I am a Princess." The conversation does continue about how being a princess is a matter of the heart and ALL princesses obey their mothers! But that is for a different blog post! 

So, this week Grace decided to get Hope dressed up too. Even though you can see it, Hope is wearing a tutu skirt over her pj's and Grace had put this hat on her head. Hope wasn't so sure about it but I thought it was cute! 

So, raise a cup of coffee with me this morning as we start Foto Friday! 

From my kitchen to yours

I love to cook and I love to bake. Usually people either like to bake or like to cook. But, I really enjoy doing both. I love the smells that fill my entire house when I am baking something that has cinnamon in it. It just makes me feel so secure and "at home". It really reminds me of my grandmother's house. The way her house would smell around Christmas time. I remember having the best conversations with her in her kitchen. She would be busy with throwing stuff in her Kitchen Aide and I would be sitting at the bar talking away. Those are some of my greatest memories of my grandmother. She died when I was 16 and I never really got to have the MAJOR conversations with her. Give her all the details about my boyfriend who would become my fiancee' and eventually my husband. Or sit at the bar with my big pregnant belly and discuss names or what dress she would be making for them at their dedication. She was a woman of a lot of creativity. Something I think was passed down from her to all of the woman in her family. My cousins are very creative people. My aunt is great at throwing a party that makes you wonder, "How'd she do that?" And my mom is, well maybe it is because she is my mom, but she reminds me of my grandmother the most. Even now I sit at her bar and talk to her over the Kitchen Aide (which is my grandmother's) mixing up something. Many great conversations always happen in the kitchen. It got me thinking today about how I will one day get those moments with my own daughters. I will be cooking something or mixing something up and they will be sitting at the kitchen bar talking about the latest happenings in their life. Then eventually we will sip our hot tea and eat whatever hot bread, cookie, or cake had just come out of the oven and I hope it will generate a love for the art of cooking and baking.

I can't wait for those moments. Today I whipped up some potato soup in my crock pot and then made up some whole wheat buttermilk oatmeal bread with dried cranberries. They look so good. I can't wait for Bryan to get home to taste it all. He loves it when I bake and cook. It just feels us all with that "at home" feeling that only comes from some good home cooked meals! Happy baking and cooking everyone. 

Confession-I hate waiting

I hate waiting. I am not good at it. Just like the other day when I was standing in line at the grocery store only to figure out that I had gotten in the line where the cashier was either training or extremely slow! I had my 3 1/2 year old asking for every little thing that sparkled in that little aisle right by the check out. I had my 12 month old who was TIRED of being in the cart and wanting to test out her new found freedom of walking. I couldn't get in another lane because there was another person behind me. SO, I am forced to do what I hate doing. Waiting! I am not sure if any of us really like waiting. I swear that is why they invented car horns, so when someone is at a stop light not going, we HONK. Why? Because we are tired of waiting! And what about those SELF check out lanes? WHY? Because we don't like waiting on other people. Even if we take forever trying to find that stupid bar code on the bag of Fig Newtons at least we are doing it ourselves and not waiting on someone else. What about kids? Kids hate waiting just as much, if not more, than we do. Waiting aka having patience is just one a human quality that many of us don't posses. 

I don't know why we hate to wait. I have been reading about Abraham and Sarah in Genesis. Sarah sure wasn't good at waiting. She wanted a baby and she wanted it now. She wanted a baby so badly that she gave her maid to Abraham to sleep with so she would be able to get a baby through her. Yep, you guessed it, it only caused problems. HELLO! Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that giving another woman to your husband to have your baby isn't the greatest idea, even back then! It is funny because even as I have been reading this I have almost laughed out loud because of the humanity I see in Sarah. She hated waiting. I can relate. It seems that God was the same God then as he is now. His timing is not our own. His ways are not ours. So, what do we do? Wait, I guess. We trust and wait. Because the alternative to that is not trusting and not waiting and I have come to realize that I would much rather wait on God's timing for my life than my own. 

So, God here I am. Waiting....and trusting. 

Hebrews 10.23

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Hope turns ONE

 I can't believe that Hope is 12 months old now. She is a whole year old! WOW. God has been so good to us this last year. After having a really difficult pregnancy with her and not really sure that she would even make it to birth, having her one year birthday is as overwhelming as was her birth. She is such a blessing to us. 

Today was a good day filled with lots of laughs and cupcakes! We went to Grammy and Papa's house to party the night away..........okay, maybe more like party the early evening away. Hope gots lots of cute presents. Papa got her her first purse. She loved the bracelet and wore it all evening. Grace, being a huge Wall-E fan herself, decided to get her little sister a Wall-E bath book. She informed me in the store that, "My little sister will LOOOVE this, Mommy." 
 
All in all it was a great day and one that will be documented in her scrapbook. 

My dearest Hope

Hope,

You will be 12 months old tomorrow. I can hardly believe it was a year ago today when we experienced all those tornadoes here in Springfield, Missouri. How I went into the hospital with false labor, they sent me home and I kept my original induction date of January 8, 2008. You have been a pleasant baby and pretty well perfect. Except for one small thing. It is just a tiny little thing.......

Do you think, if you could find it in your heart, you could sleep past 5 a.m.? I mean, your dad and I would so appreciate it. We have tried just about everything to please you. We put you to bed at 6 p.m. and you will wake up at 5 a.m. So, we try putting you to bed later at 7 p.m. and still you will wake up at 5 a.m. We have even tried closer to 8 p.m. and STILL you will wake up at 5 a.m. What is it you want? A roll around car? A new pair of shoes? A better pillow? A pony? What about a new puppy? WHAT? WHAT would make you sleep later?? So, at some point over the next year of toddlerhood do you think you could work on that? Thank you darling. You're a real sweetheart.

Love you so much, oh, and Happy Birthday.

Love ya,

Mommy (and Daddy too)

Photos

I am in love with photography. I'm not the greatest at it, but I do try and I love learning more. I have a really nice camera that I paid a good amount for,Canon EOS Digital Rebel Xt SLR.

The thing that I love about my camera is that I can really be creative. I only have a basic lens on it but I love clicking away. Grace and Hope are my usual subjects but from time to time I will take a picture of something unusual. I just thought I'd share some of my favorites with you. 

This was one reminds me of my husband. It was his guitar that I took the photo of. This reminds me of his "rock star" side. =)

This picture reminds me of family. This was my first pecan pie that I had ever made. Picture perfect, I'd say!! 

Tranquility and peace. That is what this reminds me of. 

Just liked it. =)

This is my mom and Hope. When Grace was born I remembering being so overwhelmed with the love that I had for her (and Hope). I finally knew how much my mom loved me. This photo just reminds me of that love. 

I LOVE this photo. I call this Grace's snowtoddler picture. Just pure love.

Right after Hope was born they put her on this bassinet table and started cleaning her right beside my bed. I reached over with my finger to rub her hand and she grabbed it. I think my heart stopped for a few seconds.

This wasn't taken with the camera I have now but with a Nikon Coolpix camera. The older ones. But, this is Grace when she was about 6 months old. I just love that face.

Sisters. I have a sister and nothing can ever compare to the love between sisters. This is Grace and Hope.

Hope is walking

She is growing up too fast!!! 

Resolutions

I am not really the kind of person that makes resolutions every year, but after having a year where I accomplished quite a bit, I decided to jot down a few goals and see what happens. 

1)  After losing 30 pounds by doing Weight Watchers at home this last year, I only have 15 more to go until I hit my goal weight. I am convinced that I can get those 15 pounds off. 

2)  Get my school bill paid off this year that way I can RESTART school again. 

3)  Which brings me to my next resolution, enroll and start school to get my LPN certificate done.

4)  Really get away with Bryan on a REAL vacation that is restful. 

5)  Get into a house!!! 

2008 was a tough year for us in ways that I can't really go into publicly. Those who are close to us know the struggles and the trials we have had over the last year. It was also a year of great blessing, though. Hope was our major miracle to start 2008 off. The word "Hope" seemed to keep us going all year long. Even now as I think about her first birthday coming up in just another week, I want to cry for the pleasure of being apart of her life. It was a rough year with Grace, though. Having to get used to not being the only one any more, her and I sure had our dramatic exchanges. On a lighter note, 2008 did bring the finish to Bryan being in school. Graduating in May of 2008 was a great accomplishment for him. And something that has propelled us into beginning our own graphic design company.  

My prayer and hope for 2009 is that it would be a year of great change and encouragement for us. It would be a year that we would be able to really be nurtured in ways that only God knows we need. A year for making some good friends. A year of spiritual growth for both Bryan and I and our little girls. A year of great blessings. 2009 will also be the 7th year Bryan and I have been married. I am really expecting this 7th year to be a year of greatness. I expect GREAT things in 2009!! Bring it on!