I'm learning

I'm learning.

It isn't easy. But, I try.

Maybe I haven't learned it all that well yet.

I think this because the test keeps coming up with the grade of incomplete.

I say that I trust. I say that I believe. I say that I don't worry.

But, none of it is true. Maybe that makes me a liar.

I think it just makes me a possibility.

2 Corinthians 1:6-7

^6-7When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it.

I hate losing control. I hate that I even want control.

But, I do.

That's what I have yet to still learn.

When I allow God control through every up, down, side, and turn then maybe the roller coaster of life will become straight.

Or maybe not.

Maybe it's just not supposed to.

I'm still learning.

I'm a possibility. A promise.

How Could I Ask For More

How Could I Ask For More

Cindy Morgon

There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night
Building castles in the sand
Kissing Mama's face goodnight
Holding Daddy's hand
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

Running barefoot through the grass
A little hide and go seek
Being so in love, that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
Being bundled 'neath the covers, watching snow
Fall to the ground
Thank you Lord, how could I ask for more

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way

So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Cause there are questions without answers
Flames that never die
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord
How could I ask for more

I spent my morning doing the budget for the next 3 months. Plugging in each expense that is going to be coming up. Having a baby being the big one. Hospital co-pays, buying a carseat, bottles, clothes for the other 2 girls for Spring & Summer, the list just goes on and on. I started feeling my world closing in on me and I plugged in numbers of each need in our household. By the time I was done, I was feeling a little encouraged because we had the finances to pay it all and a little discouraged wondering if we'd be able to make it all work in real life like it works on paper. As I look ahead I feel excited but a little nervous about the month to month things. Then I heard the song above. It's a old song but one that made sense to me now like never before. I sat and listened and became so incredibly thankful to God for his provisions, his love, his grace, his mercy, his salvation, my kids, my husband, my family, and even the rain falling outside. The memories from just today began to steep in my mind and become so rich with flavor in my heart.

- Waking up to Hope at the side of my bed saying, "Hi Mommy!" with a big smile on her face that tells me that she loves and trusts me in her tiny world.

- Bryan bringing me a vanilla latte' to sip on while I made hairbows.

- The quiet of Hope watching her shows and Grace being at preschool.

- Grace's expressive face as she told me about germs, something she learned at school.

- The excitement of our family movie night tonight. Movie, pizza, and pj's.

- My husband making fun of me and us having a good laugh about my absent mindedness during pregnancy.

- Stomping and shouting in the hallway with my girls while singing, "If You're Happy and You Know it"

- The "conversation" that Grace and Hope having while molding their playdoh into magical creations.

- Baking cookies and hearing all about Grace's cookies that she likes to make.

- Noel squirming to find a comfy place to take a nap with the minimal space she has these days.

- Grace presenting herself in mismatched princess clothes with her long hair looking unbrushed. She's the most beautiful princess I've ever seen.

None of us know what tomorrow holds but today holds memories made and memories yet to be made. Today holds the security of the warmth of my family. How could I ask for more?

I just want to say that.....

I WANT TO SEE SOME SUNSHINE!!

Let's Give Kids the Pulpit!

I've been around church my entire life. I've been in traditional churches, modern churches, seeker-friendly churches, emergent churches, home churches, churches that meet in store windows, nice churches with coffee shops, churches with stained glass windows, churches with choirs, churches without choirs, churches that do baptisism in kiddie pools, churches with orange shag carpet, churches from Florida to Oregon. I've been in many denominations as well. Just about every one, almost. We don't just attend church, church is our livelihood, its how we pay our bills. We've been in church ministry for almost 8 years as a married couple. Before I was ever married, my father was a pastor and then a full time missionary. Church bought my first bike, my clarinet for band, my shoes, my hairspray, and churches even paid for my wedding. It's been apart of who I am from the moment I was born.

There are so many words to describe churches, some of which I used above. I bet Webster could publish a dictionary specifically for churches and the churchisms that we likes to use. This morning I was laying in bed, unable to sleep because of Noel doing yoga in my belly, praying about life, church, kids, and just ministry in general. A scripture came to my mind while I was praying about such things,

Matthew 19:14 (New International Version)

¹⁴Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

I kept thinking of this verse and thinking of all of scriptures where Jesus talks about children. You know the scripture about having the faith of a child. What does that mean, I asked myself? And what would that mean to the church? I wonder what church would look like if we approached our Sunday morning rituals as a child? A lot of different things come to my mind but one word kept coming back to me, "simplify".

We have cable with all the bells and whistles. We have Playhouse Disney with all the latest and greatest shows. We have 3 different channels of Nick Jr. with preschool shows showing 24-7. We have channels for kids that I've never even heard of! You know what my kids prefer to watch? Cinderella. Snow White. Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs & Ham. Calliou. All the movies and shows with animation that I watched when I was a kid. The drawn pictures that have been colored in. They don't even care about the shows with the modern technology of animations with every color imaginable. They prefer the simplified shows. The shows with meaning. The movies that have a deep underlying moral value, even if they don't know it yet.

What if we stopped approaching this "new" way of church to copy cat Starbucks or IKEA and approached church as a child? What if we keep the word, "simplify" in our minds? What if we were real? What if we gave people what they really want? A real God, with a real love, on a real journey? It's not about the latte', or the donuts in the foyer. It's not even about the latest and greatest video on the screen. It's about the message. The real, unwatered down message of Jesus Christ! THAT makes my spirit leap.

What if we asked our children about Christ? What if we gave kids the pulpit for a Sunday?

Miracle Hope

When my children have birthdays I think it's only natural for mothers to go back to the day they were born. The unbelievable love that you feel for them at that moment carries on through out the day of their birthday in a fresh way.

When I reminisce about Hope's birth I feel nothing but gratefulness to my God. I had found out I was pregnant with her just 2 days prior to Mother's Day 2007. We had been trying to have a 2nd child for about a year with having a miscarriage earlier that year, I was not discouraged but extremely hopeful. I began that Mother's Day feeling very prayerful about the baby growing inside me but ended that day in the ER for bleeding. I had already reserved myself to the reality that I was miscarrying yet again. I remember sitting on the side of the cold hospital bed with my feet moving back and forth. Bryan was sitting in the chair across from me and we didn't say much to one another. We just sat in silence knowing that when the doctor came back to do the exam he would confirm what we both feared. Having gone through this 3 times before, one at 19 weeks, we knew that life went on. We were thankful for Grace and knew that the possibility of only having one may be our reality since one or both of my ovaries had been harmed in the previous 19 weeks loss. The doctor did indeed come in only to shock us and tell us that everything looked great! We were rushed down to ultrasound to check everything else and there she was. Just a little espresso bean at that time, but I remember seeing her beating heart on that monitor and praying for each beat. I was immediately put on semi bed rest and told to follow up with my regular doctor. The entire pregnancy was like that. Bleeding off and on. A lot of pain in places that were unusual. A placenta in the wrong place. Progesterone extremely low. Many ultrasounds which determined each time that the baby was perfect and growing. I was put on bed rest almost my entire pregnancy with her.

Her name is not by accident. Just as Grace's name holds special significance so does Hope's. She was my hope. God had proven to me that with a little hope, almost anything is possible. When I delivered Hope on January 8, 2008 at 2:28p.m. weighing in at 6lbs 10oz. and 22 1/2 in. long, I cried. I cried in relief that she was finally here. I cried because I could finally look for myself that she indeed was really okay. It was a moment that I will never forget and one that I will only have with Hope. It was the moment that God revealed to me his mercy in my life. Through almost losing Hope at the beginning to holding her pink body 9 months later was more than I could handle. It was a God moment. To this day when I watch Hope play, I can only sit and revel in God's greatest miracle in my life. Hope Louise, happy 2nd Birthday!

Just another moment

Another year has come and gone. I know people say it all the time but time really does fly by. Scriptures talk about our life being but a vapor or mist. It's here and then it's gone.

Last night I was sitting in the chair reading to Hope before she went to bed. As I read, "Where the Wild Things Are", the overwhelming sense of her turning 2 next Friday just hit me. She is growing up so fast. Grace will be 5 this year! I will be THIRTY!

My question to you is, how to do you cherish the moments? How to do remember them through time. Such as last night with my curly headed toddler on my lap, I try to mentally take a picture of the moment. The way I felt, the way Hope's hair kept tickling my chin, her little finger pointing at the pictures on the pages, and the way she rested her head against me. Is there a way to remember that moment 10 years from now? 20? Will I be able to grasp hold of that moment when I am 60 and enjoying, hopefully, my own grandchildren? I'm sure that as I sit in my plush leather rocking recliner in the home that Bryan and I built for ourselves and I rock another, possibly, curly-blond headed toddler in my lap and read to her "Where the Wild Things Are", while she rests her sweet body against mine, the moment of rocking her mother will come back to me and I'm sure that I just might cry.