Date Night IN

When my husband and I were first married we would "date" all the time. We spend so much time just having fun together that I began grieving for those years lost after I had my 2nd baby. I say the 2nd baby because after the 1st baby, we didn't slow down much. We would still go to movies with her sleeping in her car seat. We went to dinner all the time. We did whatever it was that we really wanted to do and she would just come right along with us. She was our buddy, for sure. Once the 2nd baby came along, we realized that we had to slow down more. Having 2 children doubles the chances of a tantrum, break down of some dramatic sort, or someone being fussy. Also, by this time the first baby was a toddler.

Recipe for Disaster

1 discontent toddler

1 baby

Mix them together. It's that simple.

Now, with baby #3 we have found our life to be at an almost standstill. Not quite but we only rotate the kid friendly places. Library. Farm Park. Zoo. Mall play area. Grammy's. Repeat. We hardly ever actually go out for dates because let's face it, paying childcare for 3 kids is just downright expensive. By the time we leave for a date we have about $10 left for our date. Doesn't seem fair. So, we've gotten creative here at home. Every Saturday I'm going to be sharing with you a stay at home date idea. I hope that this brings a little more sizzle in your life.

#1

Picnic in the Park

1 Large fluffy blanket

1 picnic packed into a basket

1 bottle of wine/drink of choice

2 glasses that are not plastic or are not a colored tumbler

1 game of truth or dare

You can either do this picnic in your back yard or in your living room. Either way, make it fun and romantic. When it comes to the food, you can do take out, which is always a much needed break for the Mom of the house. If you do make your dinner put it in plastic containers just as you would a picnic. Act like you are leaving your house and won't be able to go back into your kitchen that is in the next room.

Get to know one another like it is the first time. I don't care how long you've been married, there is always things to learn. Then let the night go where it might. :)

Have a great weekend!

Welcome August

August is just 2 days away. August is a big month for me. I love August for many reasons. First of all, I HATE August because it is always the hottest month of the year. I'm talking 108 degrees with 75% humidity. Yeah, not fun. The reason I love August is because amongst the heat and the sweltering humidity you can smell the crisp Fall that is approaching. School starts which is always a welcomed treat for many moms. This is my first year with a child in school full time. I will wave good-bye as I send my oldest off to Kindergarten. August is also when you will walk through the mall and see the newest clothing coming out for those cool days that are coming. August is the month when I begin to start thinking about the holidays and dreaming of ginger bread cookies cut out to look like little men and the smells of apple butter cooking in the crock pot. August is the preview of my most favorite time of the year. It is the anticipation that I love. I have been anticipating August as this is the month that changes it all. Changes my life for good. I start college. Something that I have been dreaming of for well over 5 years. I will be finishing what I started over 10 years ago and for that I say, "Welcome August!"

Magic

My husband is a song writer. I'm not talking kinda a song writer. I'm talking "should be a John Mayer song" kind of song writer. He doesn't know it but I have several of his song stashed away in a folder or in my drawers. He will write them on pieces of paper and leave them out. I will wait to see if he is going to do something with the paper and maybe he already put it in his macbook, for all I know. Eventually, I pick up the paper and stash it away. Then today as I'm organizing my clothes I find one. I read it and begin to tear up knowing that the man that I'm married to loves me like this. It makes a girl weak at the knees.

I'm still amazed that you are standing here with me

Still amazed that you chase me

You've given me the wings to

fly over this earth

I just want to give you me

I can still hear the cry

from the room where she was born

I can still see the tears on

your face

I've never been good at

sharing all that burns in me

But, I need to tell you this

It's been a journey that we've

both been traveling

Sometimes it seems a million years

There's no on else I'd rather

walk it with

There'll be better days than this

But when it's long

I'll find the magic in your kiss

When you're down

I will lift you up again

I will remember

Where the magic always lives

It lives in you

It lives in you

Words by Bryan Thompson

Dear Pastor

There is a new awakening that has happened to me in the last 3 months. An awakening that has been both freeing and extremely sad all at the same time.

I am addressing my blog post to the many pastors that will speak from the pulpit on Sunday mornings.

Dear Pastor,

My name is Kristin. I am a Pastor's daughter turned Missionaries daughter turned Pastor's wife. I am the wife of any one of your staff pastors at your church right now. I am the wife that would be at every function standing beside her husband as much as possible. I am the organizer of the events that would have my husband's name on them. I am the heart and soul of my home in which enables my husband to conquer the job with greatness.

I am also a woman that is fed up. I'm fed up with so much that the "church" has to offer these days. My soul is burdened by the pastors who are leading them. It seems that so many of you have lost your way. You've forgotten why you were called into the ministry in the first place. You've forgotten about the moment when you felt your body taking the plunge into the unknown of church ministry. Or maybe you've been in this your whole like, much like myself, and it's pretty much all you've ever known. Either way, you've lost so much along the way. By the hurt, pain, tiredness, or just plain anger towards people in general. Whatever it might be, please let me share with you something that you may have forgotten.

I would ask you to look at your families that are on your staff right now. Think about them. Think about their children. Think about their wives. Their about their parents. Think about them. Consider them. Care for them. Love on them. But, most of all, be honest with them. They deserve that.

Now, stop and think about the people who teach the Sunday School classes. Think about the volunteers that are up at the church early to go over the music for Sunday morning. Think about the many, many, many different areas of the church that are filled with passionate people that just want to serve God. Then ask yourself this question. Would you still do what you are doing if you didn't get paid anything? Would you still give, if you didn't gain a pay check? That is exactly what the people of your church do every single week. They work jobs where they don't get home until after 5:30 most nights. They spend a little time with their wife and kids and then do it all again the next morning. They get up on Saturday morning and spend the day with their family or if there is a special event at the church, they'll give of their weekend to be at church knowing that Monday morning will come and they will get up and go to work. They won't gain an extra day of time off in their week because they had to be at church on a Saturday or a Sunday. They don't get a paycheck for their time. And yet, when they come to you with a need you will smirk and tell them, "Well, if that's a need of your then why don't you start that?" or you will give the good preacher statement of, "We'll be praying about that with you." Only you go home and don't think a second thing about it. You have LOST passion for people.

Please do not think that I am putting all pastors of all churches into one big pile. I'm not. There are thousands of pastors that have vision for the ministry that God birthed in their soul. They care beyond care for those in their church and community. I will admit, however, that we have only worked for one such pastor in the 8+ years of being in full time church ministry. To that pastor I say thank you for showing us that pastors like you do exists. They aren't all cheats and liers that constantly go before congregations Sunday after Sunday and "pretend". For you who are the pretenders, I pray for you. I don't just say that, like yourself, but I do pray for you. Every Sunday morning as my husband and I struggle to fit into a church again because of the deep scars that have been placed in our souls by you, the pastors, I pray for you. It's the only way I know how to change my own heart.

If that is you who have lost your passion or vision, it's okay for you to do something else. Please. I have 3 children who are young and I would like them to grow up in a church where their pastor sees them and has a passion for them.

Fix it, Jesus

Last month I opened up about my struggle with PMDD. I got a lot of feedback from many of you out there saying that you also, although silently, struggle with it as well. It was extremely peaceful to know that I am not alone in my feeling of "craziness" for 1 week out of the month, each and every month.

This month I've been very aware of my emotions. My ups. My downs. And I've taken those emotions into my own hands. I decided that if our minds control our bodies, then they must control our hormones as well. So I tried something that I didn't even tell my husband about. Positive thinking. I have to laugh at not telling my husband this. It wasn't because I thought he'd laugh at me. It was because he has talked to me about this for YEARS! I agreed with him to a point but then laughed at him past that point. "OKKKKAY Mr. Tony Robins," I'd say. It worked though. That and a lot of other things I tried. If you are my mom, please excuse my complete openness of this blog. If you are my mother in law, please excuse me. If you are someone who gets embarrassed easily, don't read any further. I'm open but it is in that openness that I hope some of you will find to be helpful in your own life.

1. I've been working out 5-6 days a week. I either do elliptical, run/walk outside, or put on a Pilate's dvd. I've also upped the amount of time I workout. I've been shooting for 45-60 minutes. It seems to have made a difference in my overall feeling of health. And I've lost a few pounds.

2. I've had a lot of sex. Yes, I have. I read something awhile back about how sex can be a huge stress reliever and that it also helps with the balance of hormones. SO, I thought, WHY NOT?! I committed myself, without telling my husband although he has been one happy man this month, to 4-5 times a week. Some of you might think, "WOW that's a lot." While some of you might think, that's normal. I'll just leave this topic at this, having 3 kids and the youngest at only 4 1/2 months, 4-5 times is a lot. But, you know what it did for me? It made me more in love with my husband, first of all. It made our connection that much greater. It also made me more aware of how I talked, treated, and responded to my husband in those "emotionally" unstable moments. If I can control these emotions around my kids, then why can't I around my husband? I mean, after all, he was getting the brunt of this PMDD crap! Not fair to him, not fair to me, and not fair to us.

3. I drank Republic of Tea's Get a Grip tea. I found it at the health food store. I've been drinking 2 cups of either that tea, green tea, or Tension Tamer tea. I have to say that I think that it has helped. It is calming. Gives me a moment to just breathe.

4. Starting each day with a scripture. I've been reading a short devotional every day and this has been a big thing for me. I will uncover a scripture that I'll run over and over in my head that day and I will meditate on the scripture and forget about my problem. This, by far, has been the best thing for me because I've come to that place with Christ where it's not about me!

It's hard, even still. There are those moments when I feel like I'm going to lose it. There are still those moments when I scream into a pillow because I feel like going crazy. But, this month there has been more calming moments. There has been more moments where I find myself in thoughts of how much I'm loved. I remember being in counseling a very long time ago and Mr. Fent told me, "You are loved and you are lovable." I've never forgotten that. PMDD tells you you are worth nothing. It tell you, at times, that you have nothing to give and how could anyone love you the way you are. My friends, this "disorder", "hormone imbalance", or whatever you or I would like to call it, is NOT of Christ. He took this disorder the day he was nailed to that cross. I've been declaring my healing of this throughout this month and I feel it happening. I'm not the "name it and claim it" type of person but I am claiming my healing from this PMDD that likes to creep in like a thief in the night. I will not let it run my life. And you don't have to either. Find what works for you. Above all else, lean on the creator of your body, mind, and soul. "Fix it, Jesus."

Living in a Tiny House

Watching this video makes me envy this man in his tiny house. The life that he has set up for himself looks like so much less stress. No more spending Saturdays cutting the grass. No more major upkeep of a house. Just living. It's kinda like food consumption if you really think of it. We spend HOW MUCH on food per year that either makes us fat or we poop. I would venture to say that not many of us just eat food to stay alive which is what the real purpose of eating food.

So, the question that plaques me today is, what would my life look like if I lived as a minimalist? What stresses would I be giving up? How would this kind of life be for my kids? Something to think about? Sure makes me want to get rid of most of my "stuff" that I never use. And it definitely doesn't make me not want a BIGGER house to just be a consumer. Then there's the spiritual nature of it all. We are here as Christ's hands extended, right? Why isn't that our main focus of life? I'll be the first to admit that I spend more time thinking about my life and how to better it than how to better someone elses. Yep, it sure makes you think. Or at least it does me.

Reality

The reality of life has begun to set in for my 5 year old daughter. Last week she asks me, "Is the stuff on tv real?" I tell her as honestly as I could that most of what is on tv is not real. Then today she asks if Santa and Rudolph are real. My mind races while she stands there staring at me for the answer to her question. I tell her simply that just like all the characters on tv such as Dora or Blue that Santa and Rudolph are also something that we enjoy having fun with during Christmas time but that, no, it is not real.

I feel sad for some reason. Maybe its because of the knowledge that my little baby girl is growing up. Or maybe its because I want to see her keep the imagination world alive as long as possible. That's where dreams come true. That's where the princess finds her prince. That's where all things are possible if you only believe in fairies. She doesn't know that the dawn of reality that is beginning to form in her mind is filled with more disappointments than she can count. She doesn't realize that the reality that what the world has to offer is filled with hate, hurt, and horror.

Then I let me mind play in the other direction. Reality is also where I find myself wrapped in the arms of my loving husband. Reality is where I live daily and get to feel the soft breathe of my baby snuggling in my neck. Reality is where the bills come in piles out of the box outside my door and where God provides favor to pay them all. Reality is where all things are possible if you believe in Jesus. Reality is where miracles happen to the dying. Where mountains are moved by faith and bad choices are erased by grace. So, maybe reality is worth knowing about. Because even in reality, dream do still come true.

I save the world from disaster!

There I was standing in a group of people from a world that was foreign to me. They spoke in terms of "returns" and "lock boxes". I would shake my head but the entire time nothing but a "Friends" episode was playing in my head. You know the one where Joey buys an Encyclopedia because he's tired of just nodding along with his friends acting like he knows what their talking about but doesn't. I was Joey. After a lot of nodding and using my "work laugh", also from a Friends episode, I got the question. If you're a stay at home mom, you know what I'm talking about.

"So, what do you do?" The variety of different ways to answer this question flooded my mind. Which one do I pick?

"I clean poop all day!"

"I'm teach colors and shapes to the first woman president!"

"I'm enriching the lives of Americans by make sure that I raise good citizens."

"I do it all, that's what I do!"

But, I quickly responded with a smile and a "I'm a stay at home mom of 3 girls." Then the response that most people give that don't really "get it", "Oh." They smile and move on to the next person because they think they don't have anything more to say to me.

This got me wondering. How can I answer that question with more than just the general, "I'm a stay at home mom" answer? It just doesn't seem to do, what I really do all day much justice. So, what's your answer to this question.

"So, what do you do?"

Spit Happens

Lately Noel has been spitting up a lot. It seems that she's continually slobbering and soaking through bib after bib. It's just that time in her life when she's teething. It's such hard work to grow those teeth. The pain, suffering, and constant reminder of the drool dripping from her chin that changes are happening.

When we moved from Portland to Springfield, we were unsure about jobs or when our next paycheck was coming. We felt we were in a risk whether we stayed in the current job we were in or whether we just stepped out and made the change. It has proven to be the best decision we've made in our life. But, even with the best decision doesn't make them easy decisions or easy on life.

Bryan was very fortunate to get a job pretty quickly after moving. Unfortunately he was hired through a temp agency and although he will go full time with the company in August, the first 90 days he works for the temp agency. Really all this means is that his paychecks are very minimal. We went from making 4 times what we are making right now in a month. That isn't easy to do. I could talk about the stress of the financial or the stresses of just simply not having a washer and dryer. But, I'm not going to spend my time on those things. What I will tell you is that I go to my mom's house twice a week and do my laundry for free. I will tell you that we paid our rent this month. I will tell you that our life has so much less stress in it. I will tell you that we enjoy our weekends and being together.

Spit happens some times. You don't sit and fret about the spit. You just change the bib or wipe the face off and move on. Sometimes so much spit happens that you have to change clothes but all that means is that in the valley of the spit, there is a mountain of a grin with sweet little teeth on the other side.

James 1:2-3

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Showin' some Lovin'

First let me start by saying that in our house we are "equal opportunity". I cook because Bryan sucks at it. I stay home with the kids because I want to. I believe in equality in the home. I don't believe that God made one higher or "over" another. I do not bring Bryan tea while he sits in his chair that is pointed directly towards the tv. If he wants tea, he usually gets it himself. If he wants tea and I'm in the kitchen, sure, I'll get him some. Bryan treats me with just as much respect, if not more, as he'd treat any other man or woman. I'm his wife. He is my husband. We live together because we committed our lives to one another. To SERVE one another. We've found that in our home, that means each of us pulling our own weight then pitching in to help each other out. Bryan and I work together on just about every issue, task, or job in our home and with our kids. Bryan gets up almost every night to feed the baby and lets me sleep. This isn't come kind of conspiracy. He does it mainly because its his only time to spend one on one with the baby for most of the week. He gets home from work and is able to spend a little over a hour with her before she goes to bed. Also, he does it because one of my weaknesses is sleep. I have to have it or I get sick. He knows this and does it because he loves me.

I clean most of the time. First of all, I'm a stay at home mom, I should be the main one to clean. I'm home, he's not. He's working OUTSIDE the home and I WORK inside the home. The only difference, besides the paycheck, in our work is the kind of work it is. At the end of the day, he's tired and wants to come home. At the end of the day, I'm tired and want to leave. It's a catch 22 because one of us are always having to compromise.

Bryan hates to iron. He isn't a planner. He is a last minute kind of guy and that really annoys me to no end. I think we'll be old and gray and it will still annoy me. There is plenty that I do that annoys him. Like having to plan everything to the 15th detail. Yeah. That's annoying to him. But, we compromise. I've been working on seeing things that he lacks strength in and filling in those gaps. So, I iron his clothes. As much as I hate the picture in my head of the lady with a hankie tied around her head to catch the sweat beads with a big heavy iron in her hand and 5 kids running around her, I'm ironing. I hate to iron. But, I do it because when my husband gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby and I snooze right through it without care, I want him to know that I appreciate the thought. I want him to know that I see his love in action. I want him to know that no matter what our roles are in our home, I am his wife. I'm his woman. I'm the one he can depend on to be there and to show him love through it all. So, I iron. You're welcome, honey.

Nightlight

Life with 3 kids can be, well for lack of better words, poppy. It is downright exhausting and overwhelming. I can never start something of my own that I get to finish. I am constantly interrupted no matter what I'm doing. This includes using the bathroom, taking a shower, blogging, working out, or fixing dinner. Shoot even getting myself some lunch gets interrupted by the constant drone of the wants, complaints, and the whining.

By human nature, we are selfish people. We want what we want and we want it when we want it. It is hard to think of others. Being a mom puts this desire for self to the test more than any "job" I know of. The more kids, the less of you. This is hard for me. I'll admit it, I like my "me" time. I like working out without interruption. I enjoy taking a shower without needs being presented. And I would love some time to fix a sandwich and sit down at the table and just eat. Currently, I eat on the go. I eat in small increments of time over the course of the day.

This last weekend we went to my brother in law's wedding. As they were standing up before the entire room filled with people my eyes were pulled over to the best man, who happens to be my husband. My mind began to fill with memories of our wedding day over 8 years ago. I smiled at the thoughts. Then my lips began to be pulled down and met my eyes with a blank stare. The last 8 years have been hard. Very hard. I didn't stay in the memory for very long, I pulled my eyes and my mind back to the present moment of the young couple saying their vows but the rattling thoughts of heart break was something I couldn't shake. Then I turned my attention to the other side of the couple to the flower girl, who happens to be my oldest daughter. Again a smile. Then "the look" at her to leave her dress alone. At that moment I saw her hand go up near her face and a petite thumb poked up to give me a thumbs up.

Today I struggle with the thoughts that filled my mind on that day. My husband and I have been dragged through the mud of church ministry. It feels like we've been put on display dealing with the lose of our baby boy at 19 weeks pregnant. The scars run deep in our souls that leave us, today, wondering what its really all about. I don't have the answer in this blog post today. But, I do know that the 3 time consumers of my life are my purpose for now. Grace in all her passionate drama, Hope with her 2 year old frustrations, and Noel in her 4 month joy. They are mine. They are ours. The smile is put back on my face today because although there's been a lot of hurt, my husband and I have made it good. We've laughed through the sadness and we've held each other on those dark and cold nights. And he always leaves the nightlight on for me.