Foto Friday

These are my absolute favorite people in the entire world. I'd rather be with them than the Queen of England, Prince of Wales, or the Dalai Lama. This pic was taken the day that Bryan left for his journey in the moving truck to Portland, OR. We have been apart for almost a whole week now and I miss him like crazy! He accomplished getting to Portland through some nasty weather, getting the truck unpacked with a great group of helpers, and now has accomplished unpacking almost the entire house. Do I have a great partner or what? We are beginning a great new adventure together and I'm so glad that we held it together through all the dark nights over the past 7 years. It was worth every tear and every heart shattering moment, to wake up and know that the person I choose was the right one and the paths that we have taken have led us right where the Savior of ALL wants us to be! My absolute favorite scripture says it best,

Hebrews 10.23

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Memories Rediscovered/Portland Bound

I sat down on a filled box that was sitting my dining room. I looked to my side and realized that my entire house was packed in boxes. I mean everything is done! I packed a few things before we left for our interview trip to Portland, OR a week ago. But, after returning home from accepting the position as Worship and Art Pastors at Life Church, we have been nonstop packing! The whole experience overwhelmed me at that moment and I felt God's arm wrap around me like a warm blanket. The last 2 1/2 years played over in my mind as I looked around my little 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment.

When we first moved into that nice apartment we were employed with Schweitzer United Methodist Church. Within 2 months of moving in, we had to start looking for another job because of being laid off. I remember Bryan and I spending much time sitting on the couch in prayer. During that time of searching, I was working at Cox as a phlebotomist and had a horrible miscarriage which landed me in bed a lot. The quiet neighborhood and warmth of the people in our complex was great to come home to. Within that year of getting a job as children's pastors in Bolivar, we went through so much. I found out I was pregnant with Hope the day before Mother's Day of that year, 2007. I can see Grace's 2nd bubble birthday party! She got a little tricycle and would ride it up and down the sidewalk. She spent much time on the patio pushing herself back and forth on that tricycle, which she is now almost too big for.

Much of the rest of that year was spent laying on my couch on bed rest being pregnant with my miracle baby, Hope. I remember the day in November that we set up the baby crib in Grace's room. I remember the white lacy bassinet that would sit beside my bed for weeks before Hope would finally sleep in it. But, when she finally did sleep in it, how awesome it was. I can picture her laying on a blanket in the middle of the living room with Grace laying beside her in amazement. Hope would learn to roll over, crawl, eat solid foods, and eventually walk all in that home that we had made for ourselves.

Many tears of stress, discontentment, and loneliness where cried in that apartment. My days of being very much alone are very real but I try not to think too much about those days. Bryan driving 40 minutes each way to work on a daily basis took its toll on us and on him especially. I do remember setting up our Christmas tree this last year and making a party out of it. The awe in the girls faces were priceless.

Yes, as I sit in an almost empty apartment that has been our HOME for the last 2 1/2 years, I am brought to places of my memory that aren't all happy but all are mine. My memories that God has blessed me with. Then I look forward to the new adventure ahead of us and it makes me sit up a little straighter and smile a little more wider. All the dark days and all the sleepless nights in prayer are finally paying off. God has given us the desires of our heart, which has been my constant prayer for well over a year now.

We are Portland bound and we couldn't feel better about it. Home truly is where your heart is and our hearts are beginning to grow very fond of a place that we know is God's PERFECT plan! I love living in the perfect will of God. So as we close the door to only look back on in our memories, I open the door to a time of growth, renewal, and friendship in a place that I know won't take me long to call, "HOME".

Friend of God

I recently read the book, "The Shack". As many of you who have read this book know, this is more than just a book about forgiveness. Although forgiveness is at the heart of it all. From my perspective, though, I read so much about love, grace, hope, faith, and a relationship with a God who has always been perceived, in my mind, as one of the "untouchables" of my life. I never thought of God as this place in my soul that is very much a tangible relationship. Jesus, yes. He is human. We read of his life all throughout the Bible and I have always felt that I knew Jesus. But, what struck me about this book is how Jesus is who he is because of God. Jesus is just God's hands and heart extended. Maybe I am a little slower than most, but this was an idea that I had just never stopped to think about before. At least not in the relevant way that the author so eloquently described Mack's encounter.

God can be my friend? WOW. You mean to tell me that God is not just sitting up, wherever up is, somewhere on his throne with a big golden staff in a big golden chair with some massive crown of jewels laying on his head? You mean that God isn't just a judge but he is someone that I can have a real relationship with that is as real as my relationship with Jesus? If not more real? In my mind as I read through the pages of this book, I pictured my God as this being who is a Father beyond all description. One who corrects, but one who is always extremely proud of me. Knowing that I have that pride in God's eyes somehow changed apart of me on the inside. As if he said, "I like you, my Kristin."

I love how this book takes the traditional ideas of the conservative church world and completely turns them upside down. I love it when my thoughts are challenged and I love it when something makes me explore the scriptures in a different perspective. One of my favorite parts of the book is when 'Papa', aka God, is talking to Mac about good vs. evil. Asking the question of what we as humans determine what is good and what is evil? By our own perspectives? And how do we know that that perspective is the right one? Because we are Republican or Democrat? Because our mama said so? Now, I'm not trying to say that there is no definite good vs. evil in our world. But, in the traditional sense, who are we to take on the voice of God to tell others what is good and what is evil in their life? I, personally, just don't think that is our call to judge. I was very challenged to stop being the judge of what I think God really says and try to be the judge only in my own life.

I would encourage everyone to read this book. The love that spills out over the pages about a God who truly loves us more than we can comprehend is something that brought tears to my eyes several times. I'm so grateful that I can tell my girls about a God that doesn't just sit on his hierarchy throne, but a God that collects their tears and a God that wants to live deep in their souls.

Magic number 7

I have always thought that maybe God's favorite number was 7. You know, 7 days (though I use the word "days" loosely) of Creation. Taking seven of every kind of clean animal into the Ark. Then he told Noah that in SEVEN days he would send rain. Those are just a few examples of the number seven being used in the Bible. Actually, when I typed in the word "seven" into a quick search for Bible Gateway it came up with 524 results. Wow, that proves it enough for me that seven is officially God's favorite number. If he actually has one. I have never had a favorite number. Never really thought of a number having that much significance in my life to lay claim to a favorite one. But, I think maybe 7 is my newest favorite number. Yesterday, Bryan and I marked 7 years of being married. I'll be straight up honest, it hasn't all been easy. We've had some struggles in our lives that made for a rough few years of marriage. We stuck it out though and knew that we were being challenged for a race that was coming. The last 7 years kinda feel like God has been training us for "such a time as this". We turned a corner this year and the ability to breath is sometimes overwhelming. We are happy. We are healthy. We have 2 beautiful children. We are jobless as of right at this moment, but we don't care. We aren't worried. We know that God is carrying us through it all. It is our seventh year. It is the year of blessings upon our lives. At the end of last year I spent much time in prayer and fasting for this year of 2009. I remember being on my knees and just being in silence with God for a few moments. The house was quiet and I was laying my life out there with God. My friend. He spoke to my heart in a still small voice and said, "Be still and know that I am God." Okay. That's all I needed. I trust him with my next minute, my next day, my next week, my next year.

Seven. Kinda makes me a smile.

Foto Friday

To be a kid again, right?

I am Blessed

March 2, 2004 began kinda dreary. It was raining that day in Bartlesville, OK. I didn't mind much. I like rain and I had an appointment with a new doctor. My tummy was really starting to pooch out in the kind of way that made me excited. I pushed down the feeling that something wasn't right. I didn't want to dwell on that because it was probably just my hormones. I was feeling a bit crazy those days. After all at 10 weeks, we had heard our little babies heartbeat and the doctor told us it was strong! I had nothing to worry about, right?

I walked into the doctors office early that afternoon and sat watching the exotic fish swimming around in the aquarium beside me. Bryan was there holding my nervous hand. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. There would be an ultrasound and that is always exciting. I was almost 20 weeks along, so I was really hoping to find out whether we would be buying pink or blue! I was in deep thought when my name was called, "Kristin Thompson." I mechanically got up and followed the lady in the scrubs. I don't remember much about her except she was wearing pink scrubs because I was really hoping that I would be buying pink!

So far so good. My blood pressure was good. Weight was good. Everything looked good from the outside looking in I was just a healthy pregnant young woman. Dr. Collins came in and introduced himself with a handshake. His hands were really big and it somehow comforted me. He has a way about him that reminded me of my Grandpa. I was in good hands. I began to relax a little bit and tell myself to stop worrying about that little voice telling me that something was wrong. I laid down on the bed and felt the warm gel on my extended belly as he put the ultrasound wand on my belly. Immediately, I looked over towards the screen and saw nothing moving around. Of course, I wasn't an expert and those things are really hard to read, I tell myself. Dr. Collins spent a few minutes with a straind look on his face and then asked with a little worry in his voice, "How far along are you?" I said something and then laughed nervously with a little joke. "Why wasn't he showing me my baby? Isn't that what was supposed to happen? I've never done this before so maybe not? Okay, God help me through whatever is coming."

Dr. Collins spent almost 45 minutes looking at the insides of my belly without many words said. Bryan and I, with our hands locked, kept looking at each other with worry. Bryan tried to pass his worry off with a gentle smile but I could tell he was worried. Finally Dr. Collins was done. He turned the light back on and quickly said, "I'll be right back." WHAT?! So, he walked out of the room and I sat there in awe not being able to deny that something was not right. The words that came out of Dr. Collins mouth was something that I totally not prepared for. Coming from a home where my sister has down syndrome, I was thinking that it was something like that. I was preparing myself and we would be okay. No matter what abnormal deformity, we would love and nurture our child. No questions asked.

Dr. Collins opened the door and stepped inside. He sat down on his little rolling stool and took a deep breath then looked up at me and said, "Your baby is not living. He is very small and it looks like he probably passed away about at 15-16 weeks." I was confused because my belly has kept growing. He then explained that I had a very rare case of what is known as a Partial Molar. My belly kept growing because my placenta took over hormone production and was producing it rapidly. I had the hormone level of 5 babies. Our little baby boy was part of a twin but when the egg was fertilized by two sperm, the egg never separated to begin growth of twins. So, he had all the chromosomes and hormones of 2 babies. He would have never survived and it was a miracle that he even ever had a heartbeat.

He did have a heartbeat. I heard it. It was beautiful. It is my one little happy memory of the baby that we fondly named, Seth Allen. Every March 2nd I think of him and remember him in a way that only a mother can. He was my miracle. He is my miracle. Without him the doctors would have never known how bad the tissue build up was inside me to prevent me from getting pregnant in the future. The fact that I even got pregnant in the first place was a divine miracle. Because of his life, he gave me hope that I could have children. Because of his death, he gave me Grace to know that no matter what the devil throws my way I will turn my eyes to the One who holds me through it all. The lover of my heart and the Savior of my soul. I know that one day I will go and be with my King of kings and when I do, I will get to see the precious face of my little boy. Heaven is all he'll ever know and for that I am extremely humbled that God chose me to do this miracle through.

We never know what people are going through on the inside. We don't have an ultrasound machine to carry around with us. We don't have a machine to look inside the soul to see their hurt. They may look great from the outside but going through devastation on the inside. I pray we can all slow down to look in their eyes and see the hurt. Take their hand and guide them through to the place where God's grace is sufficient.