The end of an era

"The end of an era is defined as a significant amount of time." -Monica Geller

The last five years has been a significant amount of time for me. I have spent almost every day since May 24, 2005 committed to being a stay at home mom to my daughter, Grace. She starts school on Thursday and the end of spending every waking moment with her is coming, very quickly, to an end. I'll be honest that this brings great joy to me. I have 2 other children that bide for my time and having Grace at school will free my time up to take care of the other two and get things done during their nap times, which Grace no longer takes. There is that part of me that is so tired of being that stay at home mom and is going to be eagerly waving good-bye to her as she departs on the school bus. Then instantly following that eagerly good-bye is a deep sorrow for myself. She will begin a journey into becoming a young lady, a young woman, to eventually a woman of excellence. I am confident that she will excel in all she puts her mind to and I know without doubt that she will succeed, even in Kindergarten. The deep sorrow for myself is remembering the 3 day of her life when we had to bring her back up to the hospital because of her low biliruben and the nurse dropped her vile of blood everywhere and then rudely says, "We have to do it again." This mama went to bat for my baby and requested another nurse. The beginning of Mama Bear began. My heart takes flight to the day when my life felt like it was at its end with my marriage, living with my in laws, trying to figure out where the next dollar was going to come from. I would waken early to pull Grace close to me to feed her the way only a mother can. Then I would escape in her smell and wish myself to be in another place with her. My mind escapes to the time when all the darkness was far behind me, us, and she took her first steps in our very sad little apartment. As she would carry a bright red ball down the hallway that was almost bigger than her with the biggest, and most accomplished, smile planted on her face. I smile at the thought. Then I cry at the memory of her being 15 mo. old in the cutest brown poppy cotton dress as she stood leaning backward in the chair at the airport gate waiting for her Grammy, Papa, and Aunt Jenni to arrive from across the ocean after not seeing her since she was just 12 weeks old. Mostly, I laugh, smile, and my eyes twinkle with the many vivid memories of her brilliant personality that takes flight the moment she wakens in the morning and doesn't go to sleep until, well, she is fast asleep in her bed. Her creative imagination is just one of the many things I love about my Grace and I know that although, to me, it's the end of an era it's really only the beginning. Thursday is the first day of the rest of her life. I'll be ready with an after school snack when she steps off the bus to hear every little detail in a way that only Grace can give.

Happy School Year, my dear Gracie Girl.